The Death Of My Beloved
by avadakedavra14
Summary: The war is over. What about our heroes? CHARACTER DEATH Slash. Severus is probably a little OOC, but I like him this way.


"You'll live through it Harry. Don't worry about it." When I spoke those words I didn't know how wrong I could be. I remember watching him fight against the Dark Lord… I was so proud of him in those few minutes. I saw him cast the killing curse and I saw the Dark Lord fall. I knew that he had finally won. After years of fighting, Voldemort was dead. I was so happy. I started running toward him, prepared to sweep him into my arms and twirl him around and laugh and smile with him, no matter how out of character it would be for me. In a time like that I really could care less. The dark presence on our lives was gone. We were finally free and we would be free together. But it all happened so quickly. One minute he was looking at me with a smile, even though it seemed sad. I wonder if he knew what was going to happen… But then the next second he screamed in agony, gripped his head and fell to the ground. I was so surprised I almost stopped running but I knew something was wrong so I ran even faster. I quickly knelt next to him and held him in my arms. I remember looking in his eyes and I knew what was happening and I could tell he knew it too. The two of them were connected even deeper than my mark. How could one live when the other was dead? I remember screaming at him to live. "Just live! Fight it Harry! Live for me! I can't live without you!" He looked at me and said, "I love you Severus. You must live, even without me. Help others in the world, just like you helped me." I knew what he was talking about. It was that time I walked into a deserted classroom in the dungeon and found him almost dead. He had slit his wrists, he had been hopeless. But I had brought him back and gave him something to live for and in the process I had found my reason to live. I was brought forcibly back to reality when his eyes slid closed. I screamed at him to not let go, but we both knew that it was pointless. I don't know how long I sat there after he took his last breath, but it must have been a long time because when McGonagall found me it was dark. She asked me if I was ok. I don't think she saw the burden in my arms. I looked up at her and I'm not quite sure why, but when she looked at my eyes she gasped. I wonder if they looked as empty as I felt. When I looked back down she finally saw the reason for my distress. She collapsed on the other side of his body and tried to find a pulse. I just sat there and stared at my secret love. No one knew how close Harry and I were. But I knew he was dead. He was gone. Forever. And there was nothing I could do.

The next day was the funeral. I debated with myself if I wanted to speak or not. After all, no one knew the depth of our relationship. Most thought we had, at best, a truce to work together. But I knew I had to speak. It was my responsibility as his lover. I told Minerva beforehand that I wanted to speak. She looked at me oddly but acquiesced. I remember her saying, "Just no petty insults Severus." What kind of person did she think I was? Even if Harry and I hadn't been lovers I would have never spoken anything but kind words at his funeral. When she nodded at me I stood up and began to say my peace.

"Harry Potter was a remarkable person. He gave love to all those around him, never expecting anything in return. In these past few years he came to mean everything to me. Today was supposed to be the day I asked him to marry me," (there were quite a few shocked gasps here, although I ignored them all) "not the day I am forced to bury him. He will always be buried deep in our hearts and we will always love him." I tried to calmly walk back to my seat, but anyone who even attempted to look closely could see me shake with silent sobs and see the tears in my eyes.

As I watched him be lowered into the ground I collapsed. It's inexplicable how he came to mean so much to me in so little time, but he did. Before him I never would have shown myself as anything less than composed, but without him I could see no point in keeping an image. Everything was pointless without my Harry. It was then that I decided what I had to do.

I went back to my chambers as soon as I could stand, which was to say not for a while. I immediately started pouring through my old potions text. I knew there had to be a potion somewhere for what I wanted. And even if there hadn't been, I would find another way. NOTHING would stop me. I finally found it. The perfect potion. It would take two days to prepare. I knew it could not be too soon. I wouldn't sleep until it was ready.

Dumbledore came to see me half way through the first day. He thought a conversation was in order.

"Hello my dear boy. How are you holding up?"

"Just fine Albus. Nothing less can be expected of me."

"Whether you knew it or not Severus, I knew about your relationship with Harry and I know how much he meant to you."

"Yes well, everything's in order. Everything will be ok eventually."

"I'm proud of you Severus. You are worth a lot to this world. Mourn Harry, but stay strong."

At this I sighed. "I will Albus. Now, if you do not mind I would like to mourn in peace."

"Of course my dear boy."

You see the potion I was using was a dark potion. He would undoubtedly have tried to stop me, and I couldn't afford a distraction from the potion. I cared not at all that he knew about Harry and I, but I worried he also knew about the potion and would try to stop me. So I, of course, cast a spell.

"Permissum him alieno(1)."

After that I immediately got back to work. I couldn't afford to wait much longer for the solution to my… angst.

A day and a half later it was finished. I quickly put it in a vial and ran from my room. The two days had been torture: being so close to a solution and yet having to wait. The minutes passed by like hours, the seconds as days. I looked at the vial. It was my heaven.

I ran to the Quidditch pitch, more precisely to Harry's grave. I sat down against the small and barely noticeable headstone. It was just as Harry would have wanted it. I whispered "Harry, I love you. You are everything. I cannot live without you," and downed the contents of the vial.

Two minutes later I breathed my last breath.

"Hello Severus. I'm sorry about Harry I really am. I never realized that you too were so close." Spoke Professor McGonagall. "But now that I think on it, something did change in the boy at one point. And I'm assuming it was you, was it not?"

The Professor walked up behind him and did not see that his eyes were closed. She came around to face him properly, and thought he was asleep.

"Severus? Oh wake up Severus." She then clapped rather loudly to jerk him awake. After all, he always was a light sleeper. She would expect nothing less from someone who constantly feared for his life. She became rather worried therefore when he did not snap to attention. She bent down and shook him and he still did not wake. She touched his face and jerked back when she was startled. He was ice cold. A sneaking suspicion overcame her and she tried to feel for a pulse. She held her breath and when she felt nothing she was shocked. She never realized, even after she knew of the relationship, that Harry meant so much to him. "Oh god." She immediately ran for the Headmaster. He would not be pleased with this new development. To lose both war heroes in less than a week was a major damper on the celebrations. Not to discredit them as just war heroes. They had meant so much to so many people. Even Severus Snape, the cold greasy bastard of the dungeons had touched many lives whether he realized it or not. They would be sorely missed.

"Albus. He's dead."

"Yes, I know Minerva. We had the funeral. I do realize this." The headmaster had a small amount of amusement in his eyes, but it was dampened by the fact that it was Harry's death that she was talking about.

"No Albus. I'm… I'm not talking about Harry."

"WHAT? What happened? Who is dead?"

"It's Severus."

"Oh no. A rogue death eater. We still haven't caught them all. Severus my boy… I thought you would have been careful."

"Albus… Albus I don't think it was death eaters. He was lying on Harry's grave. I think the grief was too much for him."

"Severus?"

I quickly got up off the ground and looked around. Nothing seemed familiar… Where was I? And then I saw him. In all his splendor. And I remembered. I remembered everything.

"Harry? Oh Harry!" I quickly ran to him and swept him up in my arms. "I missed you so much. Harry. Harry. Harry." I said his name over and over and with every utterance I kissed his face.

"Severus… Oh Severus I missed you too. But what have you done? Do you know where we are?"

"Actually I have no idea, but I assume it must be heaven or at least the afterlife. Why? Do YOU even know exactly where we are?"

"Well no," Harry uttered, "but I know I'm dead, so your guess sounds about right to me. But if I'm dead, that means you are dead. Severus, I told you to live. Why did you follow me?"

"I couldn't live without you Harry. The three or four days I spent without you (I can't even remember how much time it was now) were unbearable. When they lowered you into that hole in the ground I literally fell to the ground with grief. I cried Harry. In front of all the others, I CRIED. Like a baby. You mean so much to me Harry. How could I live without you?" Even as I spoke I had tears in my eyes, although I would not let them fall. With Harry back, no matter what the circumstances, my reputation seemed a little more important… Even though there was no one to SEE me uphold my reputation.

"Oh Severus. Don't cry. I wanted you to have a life, free from the oppression of Voldemort. On one level I wanted you to move on and find someone else, but I admit that deep down I would have liked nothing better when that person came to this level to have killed them again for touching you. You are everything to me Severus, but you should have had a life."

"You should have had a life too, Harry. But be honest with me. If I had been the one that died, would you have stayed on earth without me? Don't get me wrong. I would have felt the same way you do now, but can you fault me for loving you more than life itself?"

"Oh Severus, of course I understand what you did. And yes, I would have done the same thing. I had just hoped you were stronger than I am."

"Harry, love is not a weakness. Or do you forget saying the exact same thing to me multiple times?"

"I'm sorry Severus. Let's move on shall we? Nothing can be done now. I love you. And now we have eternity to love each other."

(1)Latin translation thanks to http/ means "let him forget"


End file.
